Co-parenting tips for divorced parents: Set hurt and anger aside
H/T – Help Guide Non-Profit
The key to co-parenting is to focus on your children—and your children only. Yes, this can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being…
The Lonely Heartbreak of Loving a Narcissist written by Bradley van Hoek
In all healthy relationships there comes a time when the honeymoon ends . This means it is time for real communication, dealing with issues, concerns and commitments. It means having the ability to work with a partner, to consider the needs of that partner, to let go of the need to be right in favor of having true communication, accountability and responsibility. If you have a concern in your relationship you should be able to take your concern to your partner and be heard. You should also be able to listen, really listen to the concerns of…
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As a therapist who specializes in addiction, I often get asked the question: “Do I have a problem with drinking if I drink every day?” Frequently, the questions concern a loved one who seems to be drinking more or whose character changes after two drinks. The answer is never straightforward. No single road leads to problem drinking. It can develop subtly over time or it can escalate profoundly with major…
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Coping with our phase of life as we age or a significant change in our life may require us to consider a life review. Life review as a process is hypothesized to occur in response to the realization of our mortality or the more limited time remaining to resolve our issues. As individuals develop a sense of their own mortality, they naturally come to look back over their lives. The life review process has…
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Adolescent Addiction written by Bradley van Hoek
Adolescence is a developmental process marking the transition from child to adult and ideally the shift from narcissistic interests to a more object related state of mind. For most, it is a life stage characterized by the search for identity and answers to the questions “Who am I? and “Why am I here”? From my perspective, I believe adolescence can occur at any age and it seems to be a difficult transition for…
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One of the first steps in recovery is gaining an education about the diagnosis of addiction or in clinical terms chemical dependence. There are many different models to explain addiction. In reality, it must be considered a multidimensional process, which has a bio-chemical aspect and it occurs within…
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During an intervention, emotions can run high. It is most effective if each person writes a letter to the addict to read during the intervention. Letters prevent you from exploding into spontaneous anger or freezing up at the last moment.Any hint of anger or blame during an intervention is fatal. The addict will be listening intently for any sign of recrimination, as this presents a golden opportunity to start a fight. Once the anger…
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Psychotherapy & Analysis written by Bradley van Hoek
Most of the central notions of psychoanalysis seem to focus on object relations, separation anxiety, trauma, early life, defense and mourning. So to begin at the beginning requires us to take a good look at Freud and his concept of drive theory and to determine what is born within us and what is reactive to our…
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